World Wide Watchmen

I prefer to self-issue books in a library. It’s quicker and more convenient. And you feel okay about borrowing books suggestive of sordid and socially unacceptable tastes. For example, who would want to hand a copy of Watch You Bleed to a live librarian?

Well, I wouldn’t mind. I find it amusing to be mistaken for a G’n’R fan, just as I find it amusing to be mistaken for a Guardian-reader. But there are limits, so I’m grateful for self-issue when I borrow, say, a biography of Martin Amis or that book about The Simpsons. The trouble is, nowadays we have to be more dubious about self-issue than we used to be. It’s all on computer and it isn’t just librarians who might be scanning the record of books you borrow. No, you also have to ask yourself: What will the NSA, GCHQ and MOSSAD think?

With this in mind, I’d like to put it clearly on record: I got that book out last year for research purposes only. Nothing more. I am not – repeat not – a fan of Iron Maiden. The same applies to that other book this year. I got it out for research purposes only, I swear. Inter alia, I had a hypothesis to confirm. I am not – repeat not – a fan of his.

Front cover of Iron Maiden: On Board Flight 666

And was the hypothesis confirmed? Yes, thanks for asking, it was.


As for Big Numbers, Moore asserted: “It is the most advanced comic work I’ve ever done in terms of the storytelling.” — Magic Words: The Extraordinary Life of Alan Moore, Lance Parkin, pg. 266 (Aurum 2013)


Elsewhere other-posted:

Ex-term-in-ate!

2 thoughts on “World Wide Watchmen

  1. How long can your beard get before you can no longer call yourself a human being? Does there come a point where you’re better described as a beard with a man attached?

    I once heard a joke that Stephen Hawkings is retarded, and that it’s his wheelchair computer that comes up with his physics discoveries. Maybe Alan Moore is a similar case. Maybe he’s completely illiterate, and it’s actually the beard that writes award winning comics such as Zombie Cthulhu Hitler? (super limited edition, guest featuring James Havoc and David Britton, written entirely in R'lyehian)

    • How long can your beard get before you can no longer call yourself a human being? Does there come a point where you’re better described as a beard with a man attached?

      The Emperor Julian has engaged issues around these issues:

      But as though the mere length of my beard were not enough, my head is dishevelled besides, and I seldom have my hair cut or my nails, while my fingers are nearly always black from using a pen. And if you would like to learn something that is usually a secret, my breast is shaggy, and covered with hair, like the breasts of lions who among wild beasts are monarchs like me, and I have never in my life made it smooth, so ill-conditioned and shabby am I, nor have I made any other part of my body smooth or soft. — The Misopogon

      Maybe he’s completely illiterate, and it’s actually the beard that writes award-winning comics such as Zombie Cthulhu Hitler?

      No, he’s anxious to prove how literate is. That’s why he uses Guardianese. But he has collaborated with his beard: The Devotee of Ennui.

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